Why Women Love Romantasy
NEWSFLASH: women love romantasy for the support, not the dragon (or whatever creatures exist in the storyworld).
I’m not even talking about the support in the fandom, though that can definitely be part of it. Support in real life can be hard to find. Being with your people makes us feel less isolated and alone. Fandoms can be great for a sense of belonging.
But the REAL support I’m talking about?
The fact that romantasy men support their women, no matter what.
Think about it …
Tropes like ‘Touch her and die!‘ remind us it’s possible to be the centre of someone’s world. That he will burn down the world for us. That he will have our backs, be vulnerable and ultimately change FOR us.
Unfortunately for many women, this kind of real-life guy is just a pipe dream. We live in a world where one of the biggest threats to us and our daughters ARE men. That’s not prejudice, but an iron-clad fact.
But even if we are in relationships with GOOD men (and they do exist! Because, *obviously*), we still might not have the support we need. Many women complain the men in their lives take too much from them, especially when it comes to emotional labour.
Too many of us become ‘relationship tutors’, having to show our men the way. Now, that’s not necessarily our men’s fault. They too live in a harsh real-life world, where society tells them emotions are weak.
However, that’s not our fault either … and we may end up back of the queue, without our needs met. So, to read about a man in a subgenre like romantasy, who is willing to put everything on the line? That’s irresistible.
The Backlash Again Romantasy
Whenever a genre becomes hugely popular with women, there’s an almost inevitable backlash.
People dismiss it as frivolous, unrealistic, even problematic. Sometimes they even mock women who enjoy it. Other times they dress it up as ‘concerns’ for the readers themselves!
The implication is often the same, wherever it comes from: “If women love it, it can’t possibly have any value.”
As a result, romantasy is frequently dismissed as little more than wish fulfilment. Personally, I think that’s an intellectually lazy reading of the genre.
Because if you really look closely, many of the fantasies at the heart of romantasy aren’t actually about power. They’re about support.
Women still perform a disproportionate amount of emotional labour in everyday life. That’s exhausting. So, it’s perhaps no surprise that so many women are drawn to stories where, for once, someone else carries the burden.
Not because the heroine is weak … But because she doesn’t have to do everything ALONE.
The Fantasy Isn’t The Dragon. It’s The Support.
One criticism often levelled at romantasy is that the male love interests are unrealistic: the shadow daddies, the dragon riders, the immortal kings, the morally grey warriors.
But I think romantasy’s critics often misunderstand what readers are responding to. The fantasy isn’t necessarily the magic, but the CERTAINTY.
It’s the idea of a partner who is not another problem to solve … A partner who doesn’t create extra work. The partner who doesn’t require endless emotional management. A partner who sees the heroine’s struggles and says:
“I’ve got this.”
That’s why characters like Xaden Riorson from The Empyrean Series resonate so strongly. Readers aren’t swooning because he’s perfect. He’s definitely not!!
Xaden is secretive, stubborn, damaged, carrying more than he should. Violet is frequently infuriated with him, which means readers are too. Yet she knows he’s got her back when the sh!t really hits the fan.
And that’s what readers respond to, just like Violet: Xaden’s unwavering devotion. There’s nothing Violet can say or do to kill his love for her. He will follow her into battle – literal, emotional or both – every single time.
In a world where many women feel unsupported, overworked or emotionally stretched thin, that’s an incredibly powerful fantasy. And honestly? It’s not difficult to see why.
Can Feminists Love Romantasy?
One of the more interesting debates surrounding romantasy comes from women themselves.
Some feminists view the genre with suspicion. They see powerful male love interests and worry about dependence or coercion. They see possessive behaviour and question the messages being sent. Those conversations are worth having.
But I think it’s important not to flatten an entire genre into a single interpretation.
We need to remember that most romantasy heroines aren’t passive. They step into their own power, independent of the men in their lives. They are warriors, leaders, dragon riders, archers, assassins, queens, outlaws and rebels.
The best romantasy stories don’t ask women to surrender their power. They ask what happens when a powerful woman is allowed to be loved, supported and protected too. Those are very different things.
In fact, many romantasy heroines embody a fantasy familiar to countless women …
- Being competent without having to carry everything by yourself
- Realising your own strength without being forced to be strong every second of every day
- Being loved without having to earn it through endless sacrifice
Perhaps that’s why the genre resonates so deeply? Not because readers want less power … But because they want to imagine sharing the weight for once.
I have read a fair bit of romantasy and generally enjoy the stories. As a reader, they are fun and the will-they, won’t-they is easygoing in an often desperate situation.
If I have one criticism, it isn’t with the characters, though they can feel the same from book to book, but the setting and even the plot. Once or twice, I’ve come across some really imaginative stories but often it’s a rehash of old tropes wrapped in the romantasy genre. Acceptable but not necessarily great.
And what of stories where the two don’t last together? Are there any? There isn’t one I’ve read where the ‘happy couple’ break up. Yet one should expect the same. Or is it a seperate genere: dark romantasy.
Yes, break ups are part of dark romantasy. Also, romantasy is frequently accused of sameyness, just as its cousins romance and rom-com. Yet thrillers are frequently same AF (especially medical or police procedurals), yet no one ever complains about this – unless it’s domestic noir, of course which is another subgenre with lots of female leads.